trapped by love
by amazed with life
Summary: He was hurting me. I know. But I can't just up and leave. I love him too much.
1. Chapter 1

I fell to the floor as he hit me "Get up! Get the fuck up I said!" he screamed. I was crying. why did this have to happen to me? I hate my life. Why cant he just kill me and put me out of my misery? Oh that's right, he's a heartless monster. You want to know the really sad part. It wasn't always like this. He used to be sweet and loving and a total goofball, that's who I fell in love with. Not the man standing above me screaming cuss words at me, calling me weak after I fell from his fist colliding with my face. That's why I cant leave. I love him. Sometimes I wish it had been like this from the beginning, if it had I would have left a long time ago. I wouldn't have fell in love with the devil himself. Elijah Goldsworthy needed help, he has promised me more than a thousand times "Oh I'm so sorry Clare. It will never happen again I swear. I'll get help." then he would kiss my forehead and leave the room with his head down, like he was ashamed of what he did. And sure at the time he probably was sorry, and he probably did mean it. But not now. It's not Eli right now. I am not worthy enough to call him by his first name. I'm not worthy enough to address him at all. I was to stay silent. No tears, that earns a slap to the face. No screams, that earns a kick to the gut. He's ruthless, a lion about to attack its prey. No begging, that earns a night of pain and sorrow you will never know. Have you ever been raped by your own husband? I have. But I have to act like I enjoy it, if I don't... I don't even want to consider the consequences.


	2. Chapter 2

"Eli! Eli please stop!" I screamed in pure agony. He had found a new and improved way to torture me. "AHHHHHH!" I screamed as he took his cigarette and burned me with it. Again. "You like that don't you Clare? You fucking like the pain! Don't you?" he yelled at me, "NO! AHHHHH! PLEASE ST-STOP!" Thanks to my not so lucky stars, he stopped. Only to stand up and kick me, over and over and over. I don't even remember him stopping, I just remember waking up sometime later in a pool of my own blood. "Good you're awake, get your lazy ass up and fix my breakfast." I heard him say from the chair at the table. I stood up and realized that I was just in my bra, guess Eli had his way with me while I was passed out for... however long it was this time. "What would you like for breakfast Sir, an omlet or pancakes? Or something else?" I asked, he didn't answer for a moment, then he looked at me and said menacingly "What did I say about not looking at the calendar? I put down on the calendar what I want for breakfast and dinner every day. I do this so you don't have a reason to speak to me. Do you know why I don't want you speaking to me?" He asked, I answered automatically, I had said so many times, it was almost a nerve reflex when he asked. "Because I am a dirty slut. I am not worthy enough to speak to, I am not even worthy enough to stay in the same house or room as you. You are a God, I am just a dirty whore who doesn't deserve anything you are nice enough to give me." I never realized how lifeless my voice sounded until now. " That's right. So GO LUCK AT THE FUCKING CALENER AND FIX ME WHAT IT SAYS FOR THUSDAY!" he yelled the last part. I walked over to the calendar and looked, pancakes, sausage, and biscuits. This might take a minute. I started pouring the pancake batter and then got dizzy. "Woah. I think I need to sit down." I said more to myself than to him, but of course, he heard. "What did you say?" he asked. I didn't know if I was supposed to answer that or not, so I stayed quiet. "I asked you a question bitch, I want an answer." I hesitated, then I began to explain. "Well... Uh...Sir I..." he interrupted me before I could finish. "You do know it is VERY FUCKING DISPRESCTFUL TO NOT LOOK AT SOMEONE WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO THEM!" he yelled, and I flinched. So I turned around and continued. "Sir...I-I said that I think I need to sit down." he just looked at me like I was stupid. "Why would you need to sit down?" he asked. "Well you see sir, I lost a lot of blood, see over there I haven't gotten a chance to clean it up yet." I said pointing at the pool of blood that I woke up in. He sighed and his eyes softened a little. "Fine go lie down on the bed, sleep for a little while. But only for an hour or so." he said and his eyes softened a little bit more and he said "Clare I love you." he said and he said and leaned forward and kissed me gently. This was the Eli I loved. Right when I was about to say something his eyes hardened and he said "Now go lie down before I change my mind." I got up and ran to the room, for a moment I thought things where better. I sighed, I knew it was too good to be true.


	3. Chapter 3

Eli was on top of me now, he had ripped off my shirt and shorts and was about to rip my panties off when I decided "No. This will NOT happen again. I'm done." With a deranged cry that almost didn't sound human, I kneed him the on the one place every guy NEVER wants to be kneed. "AHH! FUCK." he yelled out in pain and fell to the floor. I took that time to get up and run past him. I was headed to the door. I was almost there... so close... when I felt a hand pull my hair. Hard, I fell to the floor. He was above me, he was absolutely livid. He kicked me. Then yelled "YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY THAT FUCKIN EASY BITCH! YOU CANT ESCAPE ME!" I was crying, I didn't even bother to fight back. He was right, I was too weak to get away.

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Eli had left for work about an hour ago, I was supposed to be cleaning but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I was laying there thinking about my miserable messed up life. I looked to my left, that was my side of the room, then I looked to my right, Eli's part of the room, his drawer was opened a little bit, enough that I could see something black that was glinting in the little light from the moon outside. Curiosity got the best of me and I crawled over to it. I looked inside and saw Eli's pistol he had bought when we first got married, just incase we needed it. I took it out and thought about my life, I thought about how much I love Eli and decided it wasn't worth it anymore, sometime love isn't enough. So I took the gun, put it to my head and without a second thought I pulled the trigger.

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I shot out of bed, I was in a cold sweat. "Clare, honey what is it?" I heard Eli ask, " I-I had a horrible dream Eli!" I said, I was crying. "What was the dream about?" he whispered, he already knew. I had been having the same dream for a while now. "Clare I'm so sorry." he whispered pained. I looked over at him confused. "Why are you sorry? Its not like you are doing it for real." I asked , he looked at me and had this real pained look on his face " I know, but just the thought of hurting you... it kills me." he whispered. "I know you wont really do that. I love you so much Eli." I said, all emotional. He answered, "I love you... to the moon and back."

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PHEW IM FINISHED! WHO IS HAPPY IT WAS JUST A DREAM?! HAHA HOW COULD YALL ACCTUALLY THINK I WOULD MAKE ELI LKE THAT! HAHA WELL I HOPE YALL LIKED IT, EVEN IF IT IS A TEAR JERKER.


	4. Chapter 4

**SO SOME PEOPLE REALLY WANT ME TO CONTINUE THIS, IDK HOW TO CONTINUE, BUT ILL TRY MY HARDEST!**

I was so mad at myself, Eli was mad at himself for hurting me, even though it was JUST A DREAM! But that little voice in the back of my head whispered _"Yeah a dream about something that really happened" _I got mad, no he got help A LONG TIME AGO! His therapist said he was better, said he wouldn't relapse and hurt me again. And even Eli said, "I'm so happy you didn't give up on me. I promise I'll NEVER hurt you again. I would rather kill myself." he had said, I honestly think that's why my dream ends the way it does, with me giving up on him, AND me killing MYSELF. Yes Eli had hurt me, bad. I ended up in the hospital. He felt guilty or whatever and told them what happened, they got him help and things got better. But for a few weeks now I have been having the same dream over and over again. It makes me wonder if it's a bad sign sometimes, but that thought always goes away as soon as Eli's lips are on mine, his hands roaming my body, feeling the scars he had created, apologizing for each one and kissing it. I know he loves me. He was just messed up for while. Sometimes I catch him crying or mumbling to himself, he feels guilty. I feel so hopeless sometimes trying to convince him that he couldn't help it, he was sick. That I'm not mad and that I don't regret being with him. I know I'm fighting a losing battle. He hates himself. Sometimes I wish I could hate him, but I cant. I don't know anything about life, but I know its not supposed to be lived like this.

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**I KNOW ITS SHORT BUT I COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY... I'LL TRY TO MAKE THE NEXT CHAPTER LONGER, LOVE YOU GUYS!**


	5. Chapter 5

I know what I have to do, Eli should be home any minute, he went to work. I was just laying in bed. I have to see if Eli will hit me again. If he does I'll leave, if he doesn't I'll know it's alright to stay, I'll know I'm not risking my life staying. I had messed up his side of the room, and didn't do the dishes and I also didn't cook. If he DOES hit me, I'll tell him the truth, that I did it to see if he would hit me again, if he DOESNT hit me, I'll tell him that I was looking for something and lost track of time, that's why his side of the room is a mess and I didn't clean of cook. I heard the door open, show time. I got up and started goin through my stuff throwing it on the floor he walked in the room, "Clare hey I brought us some... What the fuck are you doing!?" he screamed and threw down the food he had bought. "I'm looking for my purple silk top! Do you know what I did with it?" I was pretending to be hysterical. I didn't look at him, I was pretending I was too busy looking for it to spear him a glance, even though I so desperately want to see his reaction. "No I don't know what you did with it, but why on earth would it be in MY stuff?" he asked, he had a point guess I didn't really think this through, oh no I have to think of something QUICK! "Uh... I don't really know. I just thought maybe I might have accidently put it in your drawer." I tried not to show how scared I was, "Oh, well do you want some help looking?" he asked. I was surprised, I thought he was going to hit me considering how mad he sounded a moment ago, I pulled the top out of the drawer, it was never lost, and turned around. "No, I just found it. Thanks for the offer though." I said, I walked over to him and hugged him, I expected him to be a little mad. No, he was perfectly calm. "I missed you while you were at work. How was it?" I asked he answered "It went well, I'm sorry I'm late, I just stopped and grabbed us some food." he said then he let go of me and walked over to the door and picked up the bags of food he had thrown on the floor when he had got in the room. "Okay, you go downstairs and eat, I'm going to clean the room and I'll be down in a minute." he looked at me and then looked around the room and chuckled a little bit. "You sure did want to find that top didn't you? You need some help?" he asked smirking. I laughed too, "No. You go on down." I answered, he just looked at me weird. "Clare, you know that wasn't really a question right? I knew you would say no, I only asked cause I felt like it. I'm still gonna help you clean this room that you destroyed." he said, this time I said nothing. Just laughed. "Okay Eli." I said while laughing, God I love this man.


	6. Chapter 6

I had my I-pod plugged into to the dock, and I was listening to music loud enough to where you could hear it threw out the whole house, I was listening to Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, I didn't realize the irony of the song until Eli walked into the room and paused the song and said "I don't like that song." and he left the room. I got up from the bed and walked to my I-pod and put it on The Phantom of the Opera songs, and started listening to The Music of the Night. I started singing along to it, and got really loud. I wasn't going to stop, even though I'm tone deaf. I didn't stop until I heard a chuckle from the doorway and looked over, and saw Eli, "I wanted to see if you wanted to watch The Phantom of the Opera, because the song made me want to watch it, but I guess you're too busy singing to the songs loud enough for the neighbors to call a noise complaint to actually watch the movie." I rolled my eyes, "Whatever Eli, go get the movie so we can watch it." he smirked and said, "Are you sure? You looked like you were having fun singing the songs." I wanted to smack the smirk right off his face, "Go get the movie, Mr. Sarcastic." I said and he laughed and went downstairs and got the movie, I got up and went and turned my I-pod off. I was thinking about my life and how good it was now when I felt arms around me, I jumped a little because it scared me and then I turned around, "You scared me." I said simply, he nodded, "Yeah, that was the plan." I just laughed and squealed when he picked me up and carried me to the bed and put me down, "You know I could have walked." I said all sarcastic like. "Yeah I know, but I wanted to carry you." he said while he was getting up and putting the movie in. I just rolled my eyes. He may be a weirdo, but he's MY weirdo.


	7. NOT A CHAPTER! PLEASE DONT HATE ME!

**HELP! I NEED SOME IDEAS FOR A NEW STORY! IF ANYBODY HAS ANY IDEAS, PLEASE PM ME OR LEAVE A REVIEW. PRETTY PLEASE! LOVE U GUYS 4EVS! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

I was in the bedroom, waiting for Eli to come home. I had something really important to tell him, that I was preg- "Honey, I'm home! Haha, I've always wanted to say that." I heard Eli say, while coming in the bedroom. "Eli, we need to talk." I said uncertainly, when I said that he paused in the middle of taking off his tie and turned around to face me, "What do we need to talk about?" he seemed scared when he asked, "Eli, I don't really know how to say this... but I-I'm p-pregnant." he didn't say anything, then he asked "Is this some kind of sick joke?" I was surprised, he knew me, he KNEW I wouldn't joke about something like this. "No, Eli you know I wouldn't joke about this." I said, I was little hurt. How could he think that? "Okay, so when's the appointment?" he asked, I was confused. "What appointment?" I questioned, he looked at me for a second then he answered, "For your abortion. You're not really thinking about keeping that _thing _are you?" he asked, I just stared at him bewildered. "Why would you want me to get rid of something we made out of love?" I questioned, he didn't answer for a moment but when he looked back at me... and then said menacingly "You WILL get an abortion. Don't make me tell you again." I was scared, why was he acting this way? "I will NOT abort my baby!" I yelled so he wouldn't know how scared he made me. Then he got in my face and backed me up against the wall, probably a lot harder than necessary, and said so calmly it scared me more than when he yelled "Well then, I guess I'll just have to get rid of it myself, wont I?" and then he let me go and I fell down the wall, and when I hit the floor he picked up his leg like he was going to kick my stomach and brought his leg down but right before he could kick me I turned and rolled over, he went to kick me again but I used my foot and kicked his foot, I heard a crack and he fell, "Fuck! Bitch you're going to pay for that!" I started crying, and said "Why are you acting like this? I thought things were better." he just laughed, "You actually thought I wasn't going to do this again? You're dumber than I thought." he said and I was hysterical by now "I thought you loved me." I whispered, but he heard it. "It was all an act Clare. I never loved you, I cant believe I married, you're a stubborn bitch. I HATE YOU!" I was still crying, I didn't say anything but when he got up and limped over to the bed side table and pulled out his gun, and said "Remember that dream you've been having? It's about to come true. Except one thing, I'm going to be the one that shoots you." he was laughing and he pointed the gun at me and I was crying more and more. He loaded the gun and with a BANG everything went black.

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DONT WORRY! ITS NOT THE END, I HAVE ONE MORE CHAPTER!


	9. Chapter 9

**Epov**

I shot up in bed and was breathing really hard, Clare sat up and said, "Honey, Eli Eli what's wrong?" she asked bewildered, I looked at her and tears weld up in my eyes, "I had that fucking dream again." I said simply, she continued to look at me and she sighed, "Eli, I love you, you know that right?" she questioned me. I shook my head yes and refused to look at her, until she demanded "Eli, look at me." so I did, she looked at me with sad eyes, "You NEVER did that." I shook my head no, she had it all wrong, I wasn't upset about what happened in the dream, I KNOW I didn't do it, I was upset because I experienced this dream in her point of view. Even if it never really happened... it still sucks to have to be in her mind while it's going on in my dream. "I know Clare, I know I didn't do that. I've had this dream enough that I'm used to it, but in this dream everything was the same, except the fact that I was in your head, I got to feel what I was doing to you in the dream. If that makes any fucking sense." I said and her expression changed once again, to one of sorrow, "I'm sorry this is happening Eli." she said simply, "Tell me again." I said simply, she knew what I was talking about, "You never did that Eli." she said, "Again." I stated, she repeated it, "Again." I said again, I saw her attempt to not roll her eyes, I knew she hated repeating herself more than twice, but she repeated anyways, I guess she knew I needed to hear it again. I made her repeat it about four or five more times before I could think straight, "Thank you. I'm sorry I made you do that." I said and she smiled sweetly and she answered, "It's okay. Whatever it takes to make you feel better." when she was done talking I kissed her sweetly, "I love you." she smiled again and stated "Forever and always."

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I'm done, I hope you liked it! please review! If your confused, heres the gist of it, the whole thing was Eli's dream, but the dream was in Clare's point of view. Hope tht cleared things up if u were confused. love you guys! :)


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